Three and a half months of silence. My silence now spans over longer periods. Perhaps the novelty of blogging is wearing off. Perhaps I do not have much that I want to share. Perhaps I just don't have anything that I want to say. Perhaps there is nothing happening in my life that is worth sharing. Perhaps I am numb. I am not sure myself. Perhaps it is all of the above. One thing for sure is that I am going through a plateau. Nothing excites. Nothing saddens. Nothing touches my heart. I do not care too much these days. I do not feel too much. Which has always been my problem - I do everything with too much feeling. Which has a way of hurting me later. Because I expect too much in return. Which is a good way to kill my heart. So then perhaps being numb is good. Not feeling is good. It protects. It provides the hard shell that I am missing. Now I am being a real Cancerian. Soft inside, with a hard shell outside. May be soon I will be impenetrable. I will become a different person. And nothing will hurt anymore.